That’s Baseball, Susan…

We all have to keep in mind that real baseball and fantasy baseball are different. Guys who get 40 homers every year but haven't played in a single postseason game are kind of useless. For example Khris Davis of the Oakland A's hasn't really done anything in real life baseball. He and I have the same number of postseason home runs. Davis hitting 40 home runs every year in the regular season does play well in fantasy baseball however. Here is a quick list a baseball players who are assets in the MLB but not the RE2PECT league.


1. Dansby Swanson- Sick hair? Check. Drafted 1st overall? Check. Goes by tight middle name instead of James? Check. Golden Spikes award winner and slick glove at SS? Check. Dansby Swanson is everything you want and everything your team needs. You think the Pirates want to keep running Jordy Mercer out to SS everyday? Swanson has the baseball make up MLB scouts wet dream about. He has the kind of pedigree that gets Barry Larkin hot and bothered. He is the type of guy who you can see deliver a game winning hit in October but he will never be an elite fantasy baseball asset. He's the ultimate good at everything but not really great guy. He'll get on base but not steal bases. He'll drive in runs but he'll bat 2nd or 6th. He's just a good baseball player and he won't win this league but that's what you really want.

Jordy ".298 OBP" Mercer

 

The look of a guy who's been teased one too many times

2.  Alex Bregman- Breggers is a ball player. He's got a small body and big head. Bregman looks like the type of guy who would get mad at me for writing that. Bregman won a ring and was awesome to watch in last year's world series. Breggers has 1 HR and 12 RBIs and I can't see him ever hitting 30 HRs or getting 100 RBIs (He's no 30/30 guy like Scott Kingery). Keep doing it Breggers.

3. Gleybor Torres- I know its too early to tell. Kyle I get it, he has only had 31 at-bats. Tony I understand, it's been 9 games. Joe relax, I know he's only 21 years old. Torres will bring the Yankees rings and will be a stud for years to come. I don't think he'll be a fantasy stud this year. Gleybor just looks like an awesome baseball player. I just watched him make terrible contact on a ball and muscle it to deep RF. He's going to hit 40 bombs one year. I just changed my opinion of Torres mid write-up but I don't care. Fuck Boston.

State of the league - Why Your Team Sucks

Life comes at you fast sometimes...

It's time to tell it as it is. So far this season has not been great for me. I've talked a lot if shit and acted like it will turn its self around but things aren't going so hot. Usually when something stresses me out or bothers me I bury it deep inside me. Just postpone the stress and let it fester. I might look in the mirror and scream at myself from time to time or maybe scream as loud as I can into a pillow but that's rare. I'm like a 2L of Diet Coke and everyday something/someone adds another Mentos and closes the cap.

I decided to deal with the stress I am feeling from being in the bottom of the 2018 RE2PECT league in a different way. I'm going to explain why each of your teams sucks. Despite having teams in first, second and third its safe to say that there are no Victoria's Secret models in this league. I will begin with the worst of the league...

12th place - The Johnny Rockers

Next time you think your hitting is terrible take a look at Johnny Riockers'. Trust me it will make you feel better. His best hitter is Matt Chapman. Although, it's hard to overlook the fact that he's got Sale and Kershaw. Maybe a trade is in this team's future.

11th place - Mike's Team

Man the Notorious BIL  is having a rough season. Not only does he continue to have a terrible team name his team is struggling. Preston Tucker?! Bet BIL wishes he had 2003 Preston Wilson rather than that guy. Despite their problems Mike's Team (just the worst name) has some great pitchers in Paxton and Nola.

10th place - Dick Swisher

I'm not going trash on my team because that's not what this exercise is about. I will say choosing Cookie Carrasco over Rhys Hoskins in 4th will haunt me for a long time.

9th place - Tim Tebow Time

Oh how the mighty have fallen. Maybe its injuries but I think drafting Chris Archer as an ace has something to do with it. Can't talk to much shit about a team that drafted Harper, Goldy in the 2nd and the aforementioned Hoskins.

8th place - Love and Beltréyal

First off, I respect the hell out of the use of the "ñ".  This team had some early season success but lately is been Struggle City, USA. What Ian Happened?! This team was doomed when they drafted Encarnación in the 4th. The man has 5 RBIs. 

7th place - Dongs for Days

"Dongs for Days" more like "3 Dongs on Your Bench This Week". This team has young awesome pitching for days but he's still wheeling Joe Mauer out there everyday. That's like a beautiful pop princess cutting her hair off. C'mon! Your better than that! Your pitching staff is sexier than that! 

6th place - The Magic Loogie

This M'fer out bid all of us for make me say Ohtani. Good for you Magic Loogie. Now if Marcus Stroman could get his ERA below 7 you might have yourself a pitching staff. 

5th place - Exit Velocity

Exit Velocity had some great talent but his team is about 5 years away. Something got lost in translation. I think Exit Velocity might think this is a dynasty league.  

4th place - Lil Drummer Boyz

Pa-Rum-Pa-Pum Pum...Pa-Pa-Pa-Pum. When I say "OVER" you say "ACHIEVING"! 

"OVER".....

This team has a guy in the MILB and handful of guys that were good 4-5 years ago (Pujols, Braun, Lester).  Not sure what to make of this team but I can sense a bottom 5 finish. Best thing this team has going for it is its logo.

3rd place - Shake Ya Money Maeda

Pham, JMart, Freeman and Lindor. This team can hit but sheesh the pitching struggle is real. I mean Kenta Maeda?! That guy sucks.

2nd place - Lust is Pain

Great name. Hits home for everyone. The name is just too real...it's amazing. But Kevin Gausman! Ben Zoberist! Maikel Franco!!! How is this team good?!

1st pace- I am McLovin

Yeah. It was between that or Muhammed. 
Why the FUCK would it be between THAT or Muhammed?

Another solid team for McLovin.  There are some blemishes for sure aka Todd Frazier and Ryu. This team is built well. Not a lot to say here other than this guy is killing it in OBP despite rostering Trevor "Never ending" Story.