Thread Count

Jake has offered me this platform to talk baseball uniforms so let’s do it.  Okay so here goes. Welcome to Thread Count.

Today’s topic: alternate jerseys in baseball.

But, before we begin.  Let’s take a moment to remember those uniforms we lost this past year.

Though they are gone, they are not forgotten.  Thank you.

Alternate oh No-verload! 

Over the last few seasons there have been a few habitual alternate jersey abusers and it’s time that their crimes be brought to light.  The numbers below are from the 2019 regular season indicating how many times an alternate jersey was worn

1. Minnesota Twins: navy road, navy home, red. Worn 104 times
2. Texas Rangers: blue, red.  Worn 103 times
3. Arizona Diamondbacks: red, black, white alt, grey alt, throwback. Worn 98 times
4. Cleveland Indians: navy, red. Worn 86 times
5.  Los Angeles Angels: red. Worn 77 times

Dishonorable mentions go to the Nationals (4 alternate uniforms worn consistently) and Brewers (navy jersey worn nonstop).

Why is this a big deal?  It’s about respecting the game damnit! It’s about history.  It’s about knowing what your team will look like on any given night; About being able to look back fondly and recall what your team looked like during a seemingly unforgettable moment, not having to think wait which jersey were we wearing? If you’re a fan of the Yankees and you only get the chance to see one Yankees game in your life in person – you know what the team is going to be wearing.  Meanwhile, if they happen to be playing the Nationals, you will have no idea what the Nats will be wearing. I may be old fashioned and I may be unstable, but a Major League Baseball game should consist of the following: the home team wearing white and the road team wearing grey, preferably with the name of the city they represent on their chest.

Even the World Series is not immune to the rising use of alternate jerseys. It is unfortunate, because to me there’s something erotic about seeing a road team, drably dressed in grey, celebrating on another team’s field while the crowd watches on in stunned silence.  The plain grey uniforms seem to say, we know no one in the park is there to see us, there’s no need to wear any flashy designs.  We don’t care if you care about us.  All we care about is breaking your heart and bringing a championship back to the city on our chest.  Let's look back at some recent World Champions.

2014:

 

2015:

 

In 2016 the Cubs won the World Series for the first time in 108 years, it’s true look it up.  Their series clinching victory came after an epic Game 7 battle that went to extra innings in Cleveland where both teams were dressed as if it were a Cactus League game.  Including the Cubs, the past 4 World Series champions have clinched on the road in alternate jerseys.  This, is a travesty.  

2016: 

2017*: 

2018:

2019:

Is this the end of the world? Begrudgingly, I’ll admit no.  But what this is, is a slippery slope.  Look no further than the Yankees-Dodgers series last season.  If those 2 teams can play clown dress up also, nothing is sacred anymore.  Even my little anecdote above about the Yankee fan attending 1 game is no longer fully accurate!  Now there has to be a disclaimer, adding that’s assuming the game isn’t during the Players League Weekend.  Ugh.  Make it stop. 

What we could have had: 

2 ballplayers share a playful moment


What we got:

So where does this leave us? The MLB is on a “how do you do fellow kids” runaway train to the same grotesque alternate uniform universe that the NBA is trapped in. And before you know it, teams will be winning championships in garish alternates that don’t even include their team name or city on the front of their uniform. 

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Too Early, Just the Right Spot ;) or Steal: 2020 Edition

Every year we draft and every year we panic and pick a player too early. Some of us reach for players and it pans out. In 2017 Corona Primer (Tim Tebow Time that season) took Marcell Ozuna in the 21st round. That year Ozuna Finished with 124 RBIs. I'm no doctor but if I was I would diagnose that pick as a Steal. You see where I'm going with this so without anymore wasted time I bring to you:

Too Early, Just the Right Spot ;) or Steal

Gerrit Cole - RE2PECT: #1 pick - Yahoo Avg ADP: 1.6


Team Dicks All Rise made a bold move to start off our draft. GM Kyle over here took a pitcher over Ronald Acuna Jr, Christian Yelich, Cody BelBigDonger and the Mickey Mantle of this generation Mike Trout. I know what he would say and what you are all saying "but but Trout will miss time because of the birth of his child. He might not even play this year". Well I have some fucking news for you...this is Mike Fucking Trout...he will play and he will be GREAT. Pitching will be important this year but I have a few rules I live by and one of them is if you have the first pick you take Mike Trout.

This one will hit you all in the feels and give you a secondary stomach ache wave of pain in about 15 mins but our boy Kyle had his first child June 5th. He and his wife Maria welcomed a precious daughter into this word. You know who went to work a couple of days after she was born? Kyle. You know what Trout is about to do after his child is born....Go back to work.

I can go on and on with a pros and cons list but the thing is pro and cons lists are all well and good but there's only ONE FUCKING ANSWER.

Too Early

Sonny Gray - RE2PECT: Round 6 pick 8 - Yahoo Avg ADP: Round 9 Pick 9

Another rule I live by is I never trust a guy with the nickname "Pickles". Nobody has ever been in a situation and said "Thank god Pickles is here" or "Hey your single you should date my friend Pickles, he's a great guy." With that being said I think anthony's Team made a solid move here drafting Pickles in the 6th round. Although Yahoo's "experts" would make you believe that Ant got a steal here I believe this is the best sport for Pickles.

What stood out in Gray's first start this year was his ability to get ground balls. This is huge pitching in Cincinnati and if he can keep that going while still striking out batters at a high rate Ant will have  a pretty good pitching staff.

On the flip side, Sonny Gray's alter and very lame ego "Pickles" could come out. Picture Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde except Mr. Hide is a little guy names Pickles who pouts all the time on the mound and gives up BOMBS.

Just the Right Spot ;)

Anthony Rendon - RE2PECT: Round 3 pick 33 - Yahoo Avg ADP: Round 2 Pick 5

You all fucked up on this one. You all saw a a minor oblique injury and got scared. That's where Clit Frazier came in and stole one of the best hitters in baseball. The 3 Nationals fans in this league should know better. How many little injuries did Rendon have during his time time with the Nats and came through to hit the piss out of the ball? I get it you won the World Series but they should have re-signed him this year. Trea, Soto and Rendon sounds a lot better than Trea, Soto and Starlin Castro.

Rendon returned last year and hit a bomb in the 8th inning. Didn't miss that much time...

Steal

That’s Baseball, Susan…

We all have to keep in mind that real baseball and fantasy baseball are different. Guys who get 40 homers every year but haven't played in a single postseason game are kind of useless. For example Khris Davis of the Oakland A's hasn't really done anything in real life baseball. He and I have the same number of postseason home runs. Davis hitting 40 home runs every year in the regular season does play well in fantasy baseball however. Here is a quick list a baseball players who are assets in the MLB but not the RE2PECT league.


1. Dansby Swanson- Sick hair? Check. Drafted 1st overall? Check. Goes by tight middle name instead of James? Check. Golden Spikes award winner and slick glove at SS? Check. Dansby Swanson is everything you want and everything your team needs. You think the Pirates want to keep running Jordy Mercer out to SS everyday? Swanson has the baseball make up MLB scouts wet dream about. He has the kind of pedigree that gets Barry Larkin hot and bothered. He is the type of guy who you can see deliver a game winning hit in October but he will never be an elite fantasy baseball asset. He's the ultimate good at everything but not really great guy. He'll get on base but not steal bases. He'll drive in runs but he'll bat 2nd or 6th. He's just a good baseball player and he won't win this league but that's what you really want.

Jordy ".298 OBP" Mercer

 

The look of a guy who's been teased one too many times

2.  Alex Bregman- Breggers is a ball player. He's got a small body and big head. Bregman looks like the type of guy who would get mad at me for writing that. Bregman won a ring and was awesome to watch in last year's world series. Breggers has 1 HR and 12 RBIs and I can't see him ever hitting 30 HRs or getting 100 RBIs (He's no 30/30 guy like Scott Kingery). Keep doing it Breggers.

3. Gleybor Torres- I know its too early to tell. Kyle I get it, he has only had 31 at-bats. Tony I understand, it's been 9 games. Joe relax, I know he's only 21 years old. Torres will bring the Yankees rings and will be a stud for years to come. I don't think he'll be a fantasy stud this year. Gleybor just looks like an awesome baseball player. I just watched him make terrible contact on a ball and muscle it to deep RF. He's going to hit 40 bombs one year. I just changed my opinion of Torres mid write-up but I don't care. Fuck Boston.

State of the league - Why Your Team Sucks

Life comes at you fast sometimes...

It's time to tell it as it is. So far this season has not been great for me. I've talked a lot if shit and acted like it will turn its self around but things aren't going so hot. Usually when something stresses me out or bothers me I bury it deep inside me. Just postpone the stress and let it fester. I might look in the mirror and scream at myself from time to time or maybe scream as loud as I can into a pillow but that's rare. I'm like a 2L of Diet Coke and everyday something/someone adds another Mentos and closes the cap.

I decided to deal with the stress I am feeling from being in the bottom of the 2018 RE2PECT league in a different way. I'm going to explain why each of your teams sucks. Despite having teams in first, second and third its safe to say that there are no Victoria's Secret models in this league. I will begin with the worst of the league...

12th place - The Johnny Rockers

Next time you think your hitting is terrible take a look at Johnny Riockers'. Trust me it will make you feel better. His best hitter is Matt Chapman. Although, it's hard to overlook the fact that he's got Sale and Kershaw. Maybe a trade is in this team's future.

11th place - Mike's Team

Man the Notorious BIL  is having a rough season. Not only does he continue to have a terrible team name his team is struggling. Preston Tucker?! Bet BIL wishes he had 2003 Preston Wilson rather than that guy. Despite their problems Mike's Team (just the worst name) has some great pitchers in Paxton and Nola.

10th place - Dick Swisher

I'm not going trash on my team because that's not what this exercise is about. I will say choosing Cookie Carrasco over Rhys Hoskins in 4th will haunt me for a long time.

9th place - Tim Tebow Time

Oh how the mighty have fallen. Maybe its injuries but I think drafting Chris Archer as an ace has something to do with it. Can't talk to much shit about a team that drafted Harper, Goldy in the 2nd and the aforementioned Hoskins.

8th place - Love and Beltréyal

First off, I respect the hell out of the use of the "ñ".  This team had some early season success but lately is been Struggle City, USA. What Ian Happened?! This team was doomed when they drafted Encarnación in the 4th. The man has 5 RBIs. 

7th place - Dongs for Days

"Dongs for Days" more like "3 Dongs on Your Bench This Week". This team has young awesome pitching for days but he's still wheeling Joe Mauer out there everyday. That's like a beautiful pop princess cutting her hair off. C'mon! Your better than that! Your pitching staff is sexier than that! 

6th place - The Magic Loogie

This M'fer out bid all of us for make me say Ohtani. Good for you Magic Loogie. Now if Marcus Stroman could get his ERA below 7 you might have yourself a pitching staff. 

5th place - Exit Velocity

Exit Velocity had some great talent but his team is about 5 years away. Something got lost in translation. I think Exit Velocity might think this is a dynasty league.  

4th place - Lil Drummer Boyz

Pa-Rum-Pa-Pum Pum...Pa-Pa-Pa-Pum. When I say "OVER" you say "ACHIEVING"! 

"OVER".....

This team has a guy in the MILB and handful of guys that were good 4-5 years ago (Pujols, Braun, Lester).  Not sure what to make of this team but I can sense a bottom 5 finish. Best thing this team has going for it is its logo.

3rd place - Shake Ya Money Maeda

Pham, JMart, Freeman and Lindor. This team can hit but sheesh the pitching struggle is real. I mean Kenta Maeda?! That guy sucks.

2nd place - Lust is Pain

Great name. Hits home for everyone. The name is just too real...it's amazing. But Kevin Gausman! Ben Zoberist! Maikel Franco!!! How is this team good?!

1st pace- I am McLovin

Yeah. It was between that or Muhammed. 
Why the FUCK would it be between THAT or Muhammed?

Another solid team for McLovin.  There are some blemishes for sure aka Todd Frazier and Ryu. This team is built well. Not a lot to say here other than this guy is killing it in OBP despite rostering Trevor "Never ending" Story.









  

The Calm After the Bust

We are at the halfway point of the 2017 Fantasy Baseball season. There have been many surprises in the first half. The utter dominance of Aaron "the God" Judge being the most compelling. Also the performance of Jose "Little Mouth" Ramirez and Travis "the Red Sox Guy?" Shaw have all been top players this year despite their pre season low ranks. However, I'm here today to talk to you abut some of the busts this year. Every time there is a bust there is a calm the follows. After a rough April, May and June there comes a brief moment of relief during the All-Star break. Hope is returned. Joe will get giddy as the games begin Friday. Mike will hope he can swindle another lopsided trade (JoeInnes for Manny) to put his team over the edge. Seems unlikely this season. Kyle will start talking about his team's upside again.  Will they turn it around? No. Is his team good? No. Is it sad? Yes.

Is there hope for these first half busts? Can they turn it around?

Time to embrace the calm after the bust.

1. Manny Machado: What a fucking L this guy has been. Sheesh! The average MLB player has an OBP of around .320. Machado's first half OBP is .290. That's bad. That's like having a batting average of .190. The poor guy has even been making fielding mistakes. I mean we are all rooting for Team Wheels because Team Wheels is a team we can all get behind and root for but what a mistake taking this guy with the 7th pick. When Kyle picked Manny he probably thought, "Ha, what morons in this league! I'm a shoe-in for second place again!". Boy was he wrong. Things may turn around for Macho Machado. His hard hit % has jumped 5% from last season and is sitting around a respectable 40%. He has also increased his walk rate which has yet to translate to his terrible OBP but it is a step in the right direction. He has 4 stolen bases also which is cool I guess. Panic Meter: 5

2. Francisco Lindor: Frankie Lindo aka Franny Lindy. This dude was on fire in the beginning of the season. Lindor had a OBP of .380 and 7 HRs in April. In May his OBP was .313 and 5 HRs. You see where this is going. June OBP of .261 and 2 HRs. To think I offered McLovin the whole farm for this guy. Dodged a bullet. Fun fact about Lindor he went to Montverde Academy in FL to play baseball. That's the same Montverde Academy that produced Joel Embiid, Ben Simmons and D'Angelo Russell. Lindo looks lost at the dish. Last season he fell off post All-star break and this season looks to be the same. For a guy not known for hitting coming into the MLB and more for his glove his struggles are a little alarming. Panic Meter: 8

3. Trevor Story: What happened to this guy? Last season everything was going great. We all thought the story would never end until the injury. Joe was so angry he didn't get him on draft day. Rumor has it he punched a computer monitor at work the day after the draft and had to spend his lunch in HR. Joe my friend, you dodged a bullet. He hits the ball at a 50% medium hard contact rate which is certified bitch status. Hit the gym Trevor! You play in Coors! I believe in you and once it gets hot in Denver the ball will fly. Panic meter: 3

GM Kyky

If I were the GM of a MLB team, I'd probably be a mediocre one at best. As I imagine it's much harder than any of us can imagine, I'm sure after a few years of coming in 3rd in the division the owner of my team would be considering moving on from my services. Going into what could be my last season and wanting to leave my Grimey mark on the MLB history books; I would do something radical.  Let me present to you the future of National League baseball the most likely couldn't actually work...

            Kyky Grime-Guy's Super Reliever Squad

Roster Breakdown:

1-8. Starting Positional Players 

9. Utility Infielder- SS, 2B, 3B-  Sacrifice hitting for fielding obviously

10. Backup 1B

11. Backup OF

12.  Backup C

13-25. Pitchers-  That's 13 pitchers for my staff:


             1 guy who is an above average pitcher- hopefully I'm a struggling team with an ace, like The Rays with Archer, if not attempt to sign/trade for one, if not possible just leave my best starter as is.


            11 guys stretched out enough for 1-2 innings
                  -This would require attempting to trade for elite relievers, however since this would obviously gut my organization's prospects (look at the Chapman and Miller deals), I feel I have a potentially better method. I would attempt to acquire underachieving, and therefore undervalued, starters with electric stuff (Pineda, I'm looking at you).  I would then ask them to pitch only 1-2 innings, anywhere from 10-30 pitches, and ramp up their stuff as much as possible in that shorter window.


           And the 13th guy that will serve as a typical long reliever- not used very often, but basically usable every night if shit hits the fan (were up/down big or an injury) or I want to give someone extra rest.

The Idea:

The basis for this idea is the fact that batters get better the more they see a starting pitcher in a given game-

2016- 1st time- BA .253,   OBP. 315,   SLUG% .406

          2nd time- .260/.322/.432

          3rd time- .272/.334/.462


So I know what you're saying to yourself, "Kyle if this is the case why wouldn't you have all of your pitchers throw 3 innings and face each batter once?"  Well two reasons: 1.  I'm hoping by limiting their usage, these former starters with already great stuff will be able to take some of their pitching to the next level since they won't have to save themselves for later innings.  2. If I'm asking these guys to push themselves even harder I don't want to overuse any of them.

Pineda inning 1

Pineda Inning 4

Methodology:

So we have pitchers: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, and 13


In any given game we are likely to use anywhere from 7-10 pitchers.  The variance will obviously come in many ways- some guys being able to effectively go 2 innings, to some guys getting blown up and not being able to finish a single inning, extra innings, etc.  So on any given day we will have 9 of pitchers 1-12 available and 13, our long reliever, who will be used sparingly and therefore be available for use 95% of games..


For our model we're going to simplify things slightly and assume we couldn't find an ace in the offseason so were going to use 9 pitchers/game, each throwing 1 inning.


Game 1: Pitchers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 13                          Day off: 10, 11, 12
Game 2: Pitchers 4, 5, 6, 7,  8,  9, 10, 11, 12, 13                  Day off: 1, 2, 3
Game 3: Pitchers 7, 8,  9, 10, 11, 12, 1, 2,  3, 13                  Day off: 4, 5, 6
Game 4: Pitchers 10, 11, 12, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 13                    Day off: 7, 8, 9
Game 5: Pitchers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 13                          Day off: 10, 11, 12

* Using this model, providing everyone stayed healthy, each pitcher would throw roughly 110 innings.  However, having our starter incorporated every 5th game would help to reduce the number of innings per pitcher in this model .


And the cycle continues as I ask my men to throw 3 innings over the course of 3 games before they get a night off.  As a positive the pitchers would get extra rest on nights we incorporated 13, who again will be used sparingly but almost always be available, and on nights we used a 1 or 2 guys for 2 innings.  Admittedly a huge negative will be that we will lose pretty much all extra innings, but they're rare and with the run prevention I'm hoping to create with this roster we'll be winning too many games to care.  Also remember we hope to have 1 Ace to give extra rest every 5th day.


So there you have it, come on MLB teams I dare you to hire me!  I'll create an envied winning organization that will be copycatted across baseball and work for free my first year! Either that or I'll destroy your organization for years to come with my radical ideas...

Note:  1. The Rockies should try this in their high-altitude death trap for starting pitchers 2. Will be able to play lefty/righty match ups whenever desired 3. Also use a power pitcher followed by a knuckleball type (remember when the Sox use to pitch Pedro Martinez one day and then Tim Wakefield the next) 4. Guys with different arm slots (Byung Hyun Kim followed by Brandon Webb over the top style)

Yeah Jeets Chronicles: Part 1

We know him.  We love him.  More than likely we'd take a bullet for him.  Welcome to the Yeah Jeets Chronicles where we dissect why Jeter is the greatest living legend we have today.  Rather than start with his on the unbelievable on the field play, we will turn our attention to his off the field play.  Clearly I'm talking about the beauties Jeets has slayed through while being our beloved Captain.

Murderers' Row.  The scariest part is these are only the ones we know of

Damn Jeets you've been busy! Alright lets break this down.

1.  LF Mariah Carey: 1996

While she may seem like a joke now that was definitely not the case when she attempted to tame Jeter.  She was on the top of the music game and was the perfect introduction for a young man looking to conquer NYC rather than settle down.  Despite her fall from grace, which was hard and fast, we can't blame Jeter in the slightest for his time with MiMi. He was also a rookie...impressive.

2.  RF Jessica Biel: 2007

In 2007 the Captain claimed his next victim.  Coming into the peak of her career-7th Heaven ending
the year prior and having starred in the Illusionist with Tyler Durden- Ms Biel decided to enter a romance with Mr. Jeter.  Alas the spark just couldn't last as this relationship soon fell apart a year later.  This appears to have been a fatal attraction for Jessica's career as she has slowly become less in demand since the break up.  Coincidence? I think not, similarly to Mariah,  the loss of Jeter was obviously too much for Jessica to deal with and her career suffered.

3.  CF  Jessica Alba: 2004

Again Jeter snipes first, capturing the heart of this babe very early on in her career, a year before she stared in the films Sin City and The Fantastic Four.  This again was a very short fling for the Biracial Angel as his interest faded after a 3 month summer romance.  While we can't comprehend how this could happen in such a short time, we also can't comprehend the things Jeets has seen and done.  

4.  SS Scarlett Johanson:  During a break with our 3B?

Oh the controversy! While on a break during the fallout of his relationship with Ms. Minnilo, Jeter and Scarlett Johanson were rumored to be hooking up.  The Avengers star used her super powers to lure Jeter away-what a terrible situation for our boy Jeets! stuck between two of the most sought after women in the world, but hey who can blame them?

Yes that's also Jay-Z chilling with Jeter

5.  3B Vanessa Minnilo: 2003-05

In Jeter's first long-term relationship since becoming the glorious man that we all know and love today, Jeter settled down with Vanessa Minnilo for 2 years.  Somehow this succubus was able to keep Jeter under her spell for longer than any before her, but alas after 2 years and a few breaks Jeter was on the move again.

6.  2B Adriana Lima: 2006

Honestly I don't even know what to say about this one  Dayyyummmnn Jeter, you really outdid yourself this time.  While the relationship was brief Jeter and Victoria's Secret model Lima were linked in 2006.  From singers to actresses to models is there anything DJ couldn't handle.  If Jeets lasted longer than 2.5 seconds in the sack with Lima he should be damned proud of himself.  But then again he's the greatest living legend, so I'd bet anything Lima still thinks of our favorite shortstop's flip throw while jumping bones with her new husband. 

7.  1B Jordana Brewster: 2002-03

First seen going out clubbing for Jeters, 28th birthday,  Jeter dated the Fast and the Furious star for a little under a year.  Her eyebrows may be a little wild at times, but everything else was on point for the power couple.  Brewster got her start as the young dramatic Spanish hottie on the popular soap opera, As the World Turns.  Is it just me or do those two look a little guilty in that pic?  We get it  he's great, but you gotta keep your hands off Brewster, hands were we can see them!

8.  C Minka Kelly: 2014-16

One of his longer lasting and more recent relationships was with none other than Minka Kelly.  Best known for her role in Friday Night Lights (the tv show), Kelly and Jeter had a tumultuous relationship.  The two lovebirds were on again, off again over the course of three years.  This proved to be too much for Jeter, who has always been a model of constancy for our beloved NY Yankees.  Sorry Minka you're too good for 99.% of the men in the world but this time you met your match.

9.  DH Tyra Banks: 2001

Similarly to the Carey relationship we must remind ourself of what prime Tyra was really like.  Before she was that psycho on Tyra, she was the babiest of babes.  This former model was on the top of her game when she and Jeter allegedly hooked up.  His first experience with models didn't last long as the two separated after a few months.  Good on ya Jeter, you never were one to squander a good opportunity on or off the field.

10.  P  Hannah Davis: Current

All hail Mrs. Jeter!  The princess who was right for our Prince of NYC.  The lock down ace of our staff, good luck to you Mr. and Mrs. Jeter.  May you have healthy strong little Jeets and live long happy lives.  And specifically to Derek, thank you for letting us be a small part of your legendary life.  Oh captain my captain, Mr. Derek  Jeter.

Bonus round: other lucky ladies who have been rumored to have had the pleasure of getting to know Mr. November

Bridget Hall: Model

Lara Dutta: Miss Universe

Rachel Uchitel: Banged Tiger Woods

Joy Enriquez: another 7th Heaven actress

Vida Guerra: Model

Gabrielle Union Actress